First off, what have you been up to since your playing days?
I went through a real rough patch – it was a tough transition. Really rough. But I’m a single dad now with two daughters. I love being a father. I also started a BBQ business – Kickback Kitchen and Grill here in Houston. I started that with a cousin from the University of Texas. We’re trying to get that up and running now.
How have you worked on that transition?
You just have so much aggression as a player- you’re always on edge, ready to respond to things. I’m learning how to communicate again – how to calm my nerves. It was always two dogs, one bone. Having simple conversations were tough. That aggression is so built in. You put all of your eggs in one basket as a player – it becomes all you know. You’re always fighting to be understood.
Football ended abruptly for me after my injury. I didn’t know who I was – I saw myself and didn’t know who I was looking at. I felt thrown away. The NFL is a business -I had no attachment to anything anymore. I am still trying to control my aggression. So I had to be honest with myself. Injuries are a part of football. It was really on me – I wasted my opportunity in the NFL. I didn’t maximize my potential and take advantage of the help offered to me.
What do you mean by that?
You never know how things end. You can be a Hall of Fame player or be cut. There are so many ways things can end. I can’t be mad at not being a Hall of Fame player, but I was young and not as hungry as I should have been.
Were you surprised the Steelers drafted you?
I was just happy to get drafted and get a chance to see my work pay off. I didn’t care who drafted me. But I got there and learned the standard is the standard and I learned I can accomplish great things.
Did any of the guys there help you adjust to the NFL?
Ike Taylor and Ryan Clark. They tried to show me what I needed to know. But some guys need to touch the hot stove first. Me – I just didn’t put the effort in on the back end. Some guys came early and stayed late but I didn’t do that. I was content with who I was and didn’t maximize things. I saw guys like Ike and Ryan and Antonio Brown – they never stopped. I just wasn’t that guy. But in the NFL, the work ethic that makes a difference – I didn’t have that.
I remember feeling slighted. I was from a small program in Texas – stuff was handed to me. I was too emotionally soft because of that. That’s why I need to talk about this stuff now. Football can bring you down. Not having that structure football gives you can bring you down. Not having that emotional strength can be the difference in not just being mediocre, to be honest.
What memories of your time there stand out to you?
Football is football. What stood out are the encouraging words people gave me when no one was looking. Dick LeBeau said something beautiful to me. So did Coach Mitchell. Coach Mitchell had that aura about him – a man who lived all aspects of life. He talked about his art collection and the stuff we wasted our money on. He gave me encouraging words.
Coach LeBeau too. He told me to get out of my own head. That I played in front of crowds at the University of Texas – that I could do this.
Coach Mitchell told me that I was talented – that I just needed to get it together. I just had too much going on in my personal life – too many struggles. That’s why I talk about things now – I want my daughters to see their daddy happy.
My class of ’07 – I’ve seen a lot of people slide off. I was close to that myself. But I want to be a good father and be at my best for my daughters. I get my strength from them – my structure. I still wake up at 4 am – I still struggle though with my mental health. That’s why I am expressing it now. As a former player it feels like no one seems to care. It feels like people are happy to see us fail – to not be on the top all of the time. That was my thought process at first. But we have to realize it’s up to us to know we’re ok. We can’t feel ashamed. I don’t work out anymore – I look like a kid. My image is so different now. Everywhere I go people ask why I’m not playing – it feels like they are happy to see I’m not. But that’s on me – not them. That’s the perception you think others have of you, but it’s not real.
So how do you address that now?
It’s hard. It’s hard to get fired as a player – there’s not many other places to work. It’s not like being a doctor and finding a job in another city. It was hard to be around other people and manage that aggression. It is still hard for me to be around other people – and when I tried I’d just get into trouble. I tried medication and got into coaching kids. That made me happy. I had to become more honest with myself and realize I’m not a victim. I had to learn to talk about it and give my testimony. Now I want to show others what real life is like. Football takes up all of your energy growing up – nothing else comes to mind at that level football does. All of your energy goes into it. You don’t learn the work skills that your friends learned while you were playing.
But the important thing too is – you can’t feel salty to the team that gave you a chance. It’s on you to succeed – that’s on you if you don’t.
How did Ike and Ryan try and help you with that?
I was hard-headed. Ryan especially was patient with me though. I wouldn’t go through the easy hazing they put us through. Ryan was upset about it, but he stayed patient and gave me time to loosen up. He stuck with me and let me prove myself – and I did on special teams and that got them behind me more.
What happened in 2013 when they released you?
Coach called me – my grandmother just died though and I had just torn my ACL. When the coach called and told me I just hung up. I didn’t care. I lost my job, my grandmother…
But the next season I called my agent and told him to get me a job. The Jets signed me- by the grace of God they brought me in and I was there for six months. I was going to make the team. But I broke my promise to God and smoked again – that dried my body up. I tore my hamstring and needed surgery.
With all you’ve navigated since playing, what advice would you give a player today?
I’d say to stay hungry and stop worrying about others. Football is football. Don’t get too down on yourself or question yourself. You either are building confidence or losing it. Which are you going to do?
And don’t lie to yourself. When you get that money get a grip and remember what you are doing this all for.
Read more by former Steelers via the book Steelers Takeaways: Player Memories Through the Decades. To order, just click on the book:
