Vintage Steelers: Winning the Lottery

So I decided it was time to win the lottery. My wife and I are tired of working and paying bills. We’re not in our 20’s anymore. Heck, we’re not even in our 30’s anymore. We’re not even…I’ll stop right there. We talk about what to buy with the money we’re going to win. The house is getting paid off. The Jeep and the Tundra will officially be ours. College tuition is starting to build. We love the Outer Banks too. Especially Waves and those smaller towns on the lower island. Probably buy a house on the beach. We’d have Steeler parties on gameday. But what else would we buy?

I was thinking about buying a part of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Who wouldn’t want to do that? We can do it. We don’t waste our time with those smaller jackpots. One or two million dollars doesn’t entice us much. When the lottery gets up to 200 or 300 million, that’s when we start to drool and that’s when we start to make our future plans. Every time we play we are sure were going to win. Somehow it just doesn’t happen. It must be rigged. I even make promises to God that I’ll donate some money here and there. It’s a foolproof plan.

So anyway, we’re going to buy a part of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Why? WHY NOT?! I wouldn’t have to buy Steelers stuff on Ebay anymore. I can get almost anything Steeler related I want on Ebay. Have you searched for Steeler memorabilia or clothes lately on Ebay? What’s out there is endless. Try typing in “vintage Steelers”. Now that’s where you’ll see some pretty cool stuff. My problem is that sometimes I buy things that I absolutely do not need but absolutely want. Winning the lottery will make it less painful. Want a souvenir from Super Bowl X? It’s on Ebay. Want a bottle cap from a soda that was made in the 70’s and has the words, “Super Steelers” on it. It’s on Ebay. Want Pittsburgh Steeler toilet paper? It’s on Ebay. Now that would be a difficult purchase. Do you buy Steeler toilet paper and use it? NO WAY! Do you buy Baltimore Ravens toilet paper and use it? NO WAY! Who wants to even see that in your house? Ebay has it all. Everything except really cool 70’s Steelers shirts in my size, XXL. I swear, people were tiny four decades ago. Everything available is either small or medium. Just a little frustrating.

So anyways, back to winning the lottery. When my wife and I have our big payday we’re gonna be minority owners…if they’ll sell us a chunk. Want a silent partner. We’ll be mimes. I figure with being an owner we can go places and be closer to the action. Every year we go to training camp and we sulk over the fact that we’re on the wrong side of the ropes. We always see people on the sidelines. How in the heck does one even get to be on the sidelines at training camp? Please, fill me in on that little secret. We both have been cleared by the FBI. We have no criminal history. Just wanna stand on the sidelines. Five minutes is good enough. Being part owner would allow us to do this…no questions asked. Just give us one of those cool passes. I figure if we win around $400 million we can buy a big enough piece of the pie to get a nice suite on game days. In that suite would be plenty of food and “beverages”.

I used to coach football back in the day and love the pregame activity that surrounds the game. Being a minority owner would get me in the locker room and onto the field. My wife won’t be allowed in the locker room though for obvious reasons. Don’t tell her that. She won’t be happy. What’s even better are the other perks that go with being an owner of the Pittsburgh Steelers. I just might kiss one of the Lambert Trophies. Who am I kidding…I’d kiss all of them. As minority owner we’d get to meet Franco, Rocky, Mean Joe, Lambert (if he’s in a good mood), Bradshaw, Mel, Mike Wagner, Donnie Shell and every other Steeler that would allow us to stalk them. We could BFF’s!!! With our fortune and becoming a minority owner I could see us buying a truck load of Terrible Towels…EVERY GAME!!!…and handing them out to the fans. We could have Jerome Bettis drive some lucky fans to the game in his Bus. Heck, we’d even change our last name to Rooney if we had to. So, don’t say I didn’t warn you. When we win the lottery it’s going down.

The Pittsburgh Steelers would be proud to have us as a minority owner. Once this happens just shoot me a message which game you want to join us and we’ll set it up. You can see the game from the suite. You’re welcome. See how easy it is. Now we just have to win the lottery…a big one.