Nothing says “I want to golf” like sitting inside because it’s cold outside and wishing that I was on the golf course. Sunday afternoons are made for heading to the golf course…unless of course, I’m waiting for the Steelers game to start. Talk about two totally different things to do in a day, but one can be just as frustrating as the other. If golf is a sport then so is watching the Steelers on tv, especially when they’re not playing well against an inferior team. With golf, about every other swing has a result that I didn’t want. Sometimes it results in a beverage being consumed…you know what I’m talking about. It’s the same with watching the Steelers. Every so often a play goes horribly wrong, offense or defense, which results in a beverage being consumed…you know what I’m talking about. Whether I miss a putt or Boswell misses a PAT. Whether I shank a shot or Big Ben throws a pick six. It doesn’t matter if I slice one into the woods or the defense gives up a long TD run. Both “sports” can be crushing to my psyche, and my day. Therefore, if golf is a sport then so is watching the Steelers play.
So, it begs the question, which Steeler would you want to play golf with…in the 70s? My first thought is how would LC Greenwood dress if he played golf? How unbelievably cool would he look when he showed up? Him and Frenchy Fuqua in the same cart would make all other carts unworthy. The best foursome would obviously be the front four. Mean Joe, Ernie, Dwight and LC would be a foursome that I would not want to be in front of. But, man would I ever take some video shots of them. The next best foursome would be Lambert, Ham, Russell and I’ll throw in Robin Cole with them. How many clubs would Jack break throughout the day? I bet his putting touch would be fun to watch. Every missed putt would end with either a broken or thrown putter. Our next foursome on the course is Blount, Wagner, Shell and JT Thomas. This might be the foursome that wins it all. Only because the previous two foursomes probably wouldn’t be that good would the defensive secondary beat them. But then the offense would tee it up. Bradshaw, Rocky, Franco and Frenchy in one foursome. The offensive line would have five guys in their foursome only because who’s going to tell them they can only have four players? The receivers foursome would probably finish the round the quickest. Swanny, Stallworth, Bennie Cunningham and Frank Lewis better be the first ones to tee it up or they will definitely hit into the foursome in front of them. I’d pay money to see this group hit into the Greene group. The only group taking the tournament seriously would be Chuck Noll and the coaching staff. But, my money would be on the kickers. The kickers are always good in golf. Colquitt, Gerela, Bahr and Walden would win this thing running away.
The only thing worse the the actual talent on the course would be the outfits of the players. Remember, it’s the 70s. The fashion in that decade can be described by many adjectives. LC and Frenchy would, again, redefine the proper golf attire etiquette. Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer would still be shaking their heads. Chi Chi might like it though. But as for the other golfers. Again, it was the 70s. Cut off jean shorts with knee high socks were the norm. Picture in your mind how Lambert, Holmes and the others would look like on the course. Cigarettes hanging from their mouths. Bennie wearing his bucket hat. Bradshaw with a big old wad of Red Man in his cheek. LC wearing his gold golf shoes. Franco wearing his Italian Army helmet. Anyone have a time machine? Take us back to this time and sponsor a golf tournament. If you really want to make the tournament interesting have the Steelers start on the front nine and the Raiders start on the back nine. Then it’s on!