First, what are you up to now? Any projects we should be looking out for?
Well, I’m still a full-time writer for Jimmy Kimmel live and also help him with the jokes for Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I was just nominated for an Emmy too so that’s exciting.
I also have an e-book I’ve written called Killing the Guys Who Killed the Guy Who Killed Lincoln.
Where did the book inspiration come from?
I’m a giant history dork! I have always objected to how history has been delivered so humorously. It’s absurd.
Everand Books was looking for a funny history book and when my manager learned about it he said he knew a guy. I sent them a couple of ideas and this was it.
I was fascinated by the guy who killed John Wilkes Booth. He was an alcoholic, religious zealot named Boston Corbett who happened to also be a Civil War hero and mad hatter.
Mad hatter?
Yeah, so Lewis Carroll made an observation that the men who made hats in the 1800’s were all crazy. The reason is they used to steam hats in liquid mercury to make them. The guys would basically sit in a room with liquid mercury all day which was toxic.
Corbett lost his job and became an alcoholic and religious zealot. One day he was propositioned by a prostitute and went home and read the Bible – he read the passage that states “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away.” So, he cut his own balls off.
After the Civil War, he hunted Booth down for 12 days and killed him. And became famous of course! Back then, like Robert Ford did after he killed Jesse James, guys who were thought of as heroes for those actions would then tour the country doing reenactments. Corbett did the same thing. It’s funny too because Booth’s brother was a famous actor then – Edwin Booth – but he was known as John’s brother after the assassination.
It must have been fascinating doing the research for this?
It was. A lot of scouring through newspapers of the 1870’s. Another interesting fact. They used to steam the fur for the hats before they used liquid mercury. They used piss to do it – they’d boil it. Then they learned that people who had syphilis – their piss made the best hats. They realized that was because they used liquid mercury to treat syphilis back then! So the people with the best hats were the ones walking around with steamed piss on their heads!
How did you decide to get started in comedy?
I gravitated towards standup. When I was a kid and we had sleepovers the other kids wanted to watch Cinemax – that’s when it was all about boobs. Well, I wanted to watch the latest George Carlin special.
My uncle briefly had a career as a comedian. It was short-lived, but I thought “Wow – that’s possible. It’s a real job option.” At 10 I knew that’s what I waned to do. My parents were supportive -they just wanted me to get a degree first. So I went to Duquesne and volunteered to do the opener for comedians when they performed at Duquesne. I was the resident comic on campus, I guess. Then I got a job as a barback at the Funny Bone, doing shifts at night. I scrubbed urinals and did standup and then became a rotating house MC. I formulated my plans to go to New York from there.
How has growing up in Pittsburgh – high school at Bishop Canevin and school at Duquesne and CMU – influenced your comedy and career?
I can’t say, thinking about it. I do think Pittsburgh doesn’t take itself too seriously. I like that. If you have a problem, you just get over it. There’s a certain arm-punching to it. The “All will be fine!” attitude. That’s how people do it there – with an eye roll. Less pearl-clutching.
You’ve written for Sacha Baron Cohen, Kevin Spacey, Dave Attell, Jim Norton, Johnny Knoxville, Jeff Dunham, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog – where do you get your inspiration from in terms of your jokes and content – how do you come up with your material an do you prefer writing or standup now?
It’s a time in your life thing. Doing standup in your 20’s and 30’s – that’s the greatest thing. That was my first love. But when you have a family – I have two young kids – it’s unconducive to being away for five days at a time. Writing was not something I sought out but it’s been incredibly fun and satisfying to get into someone’s head and see the joke crush it without having to take the risk of being on stage!
The lifestyle of being a writer works more at this age. It’s reliable, good money and I’m able to go see my kids’ games. I feel like I’ve found this secret way to make jokes and have a normal life for my kids.
What does getting nominated for an Emmy mean to you?
This is my second time. My first was in 2016 when I wrote jokes for Robert Smigel’s Triumph the Dog election special, when they were on the campaign trail. This time it’s for the Oscars. At the time you’re working on it, it doesn’t feel different than any other thing you work on – you’re just scrambling for good jokes. But after you’re nominated, you realize, “Oh yeah. These were uniquely good. These are rarified good jokes!”
How do you go about doing the roasts and shows – and any good memories from the ones you did for people like Donald Trump, Charlie Sheen, James Franco and Justin Bieber?
They all have a different process. I got started doing roasts from Greg Giraldo – I used to open for him and we became good friends. We became a team and wrote together – that was super fun, some of my best memories I have in this business. To be able to work with the greatest roast guy ever and spitball ideas with him was special. We’d share jokes and punch each other’s stuff up.
Others – they just want you to write jokes and email them to them. Kevin Spacey – I never met him when I wrote his jokes for the Tonys. But I never met him until we got to the Tonys. I assumed there were other writers but I found out it was just me. Usually hosts have teams to write jokes. I knew nothing about Broadway! I just desperately wrote as many jokes as I could and he picked 50 of them. I think he found me through Jeff Ross who has sent a number of people my way. I became a joke guy – and the people I wrote for became my clients I guess, if you will.
The Oscars was cool. Jimmy Kimmel just used his own team. It wasn’t like the Avengers where you bring a number of people together – we were already all working together on the Kimmel Show so we had that shorthand already. It was a nice bonus to get an Emmy nomination.
Is it harder today in today’s political/social climate for you as a comedian?
No, because fuck Trump and all those guys! I don’t think writing jokes is necessarily important. I know no one needs jokes. I know some people say laughter is important – its the best medicine an all. But I know it doesn’t change anything. It just makes me feel a little less helpless.
I’m still thrilled when someone tells me they liked my jokes. But I know we’re not changing lives here. But it’s a uniquely good feeling to know a joke I wrote makes a guy like Donald Trump mad! I can see him spiraling because of a joke I’ve written. It’s easier for me now too because I don’t have to battle it out everyday on the road with people who don’t agree with me. Not being on the road makes that easier.
And when I get pushback from people I feel like I have a good card to play. If a dipshit yells at me for a Trump joke, I can tell them I had to work with him. He was a grifter – a guy who made cheesy shows on cable. When we crossed paths and I wrote jokes for him – I’d just see him fuck up the jokes. He always made things difficult for the production people too. If someone yells at me for a Trump joke, I just ask them if they knew Trump. Because I do. I worked with him and know! I know what a piece of shit he is!
A lot of guys from Byrne and Meyers to Mangienello and Gardell all have Pittsburgh ties and love the teams -how big of a sports fan are you?
Recently Jeff Goldblum guest-hosted the show and I talked a bit with him. He desperately wanted to talk about Kennywood and the Steelers. But I have to admit the Steelers are a blind spot for me. I am an enormous Pirates fan though – I think because I don’t feel the pressure of expectations for them to win!
This Summer it looked like they may have a shot – then I felt more pressure for them needing to win. That’s not fun for me. When they lose it bums me out then too much.
When I zoom out and am not expecting a win, then I enjoy it more. My son is seven and he’s coming into his own as a sports fan. I put sports on the backburner when I was in my 20’s and 30’s. I stopped caring. I have a daughter too who’s five. I love seeing them both get excited to watch games on tv and to go to games. I went back to Pittsburgh recently and showed my son my baseball card collection and now he’s so into collecting cards. I can see why dad and kids in sports is such a thing. It’s super-relatable.
Why did you stop watching for so many years?
I think it’s because Bobby Bonilla broke my heart! When he left Pittsburgh for that big contract I went off of sports. I idolized Bonilla and had the biggest Bonilla card collection except maybe for his mother! That deal was objectively the greatest deal in professional sports. I still resent him for it!
But now I experience it all through the lens of introducing my kids to baseball. Now I have no animosity. I took my kids recently to PNC Park and splurged for seats behind the dugout. The players waved to the kids and they were thrilled to meet the Pirate Parrot.
Any other connections to Pittsburgh sports before I let you go?
My brother is a huge Pens fan. I didn’t care about hockey growing up but I married a Canadian. I think my kids now feel a nationalistic compulsion for hockey!
My parents are also legends at Duquesne. Duquesne was going bankrupt a long time ago and my parents organized a Pennsylvania-wide campaign to save the university. There’s a plaque there now for them. I took my kids to the women’s NIT game which was fantastic too!